Many of those with tinnitus blame themselves for causing their condition, believing that some action they engaged in brought it about:  I went to that concert, I listened to loud music on my headphones for years, I subjected myself to loud noises, I took some medication. Often, the result is self-blame and guilt, beliefs which not only undermine present emotional health but threaten our ability to move forward in a meaningful way with our lives. Since I was raised Catholic, I am not necessarily opposed to guilt; indeed, I think a case can be made that our society (or at least some segments) could probably use a little more of it. But I also believe that guilt should be rationally grounded. Indeed, to feel guilt without a rational basis can itself be a sign of mental illness, for example, a person who believe that their thoughts caused an accident.

One of the first problems with this story of self-blame for one’s tinnitus is the very concept of cause that underpins the whole narrative.  As the logicians remind us: “post hoc, ergo propter hoc” is not a sound piece of reasoning but a logical fallacy. That is, simply because one thing follows another in time does not mean that the first event caused the second.

You consume a strict vegetarian diet and believe that this is the cause of your low cholesterol, only to discover the real reason is most likely genetics, since your sibling—whose idea of a balanced diet is equal portions of meat and potatoes—has a similar cholesterol level. A ball player believes some grooming regimen, perhaps not shaving, is the reason for his recent improved performance when it is far more likely the increased batting practice improved his batting average.Indeed, if listening to loud noises could clearly be established as the cause of our tinnitus, then why do so many people listen to the same loud noises that I do and not develop tinnitus? Perhaps it is the loud noised plus some unknown ‘x’ factor that are the causes. But how do we know that it is not the ‘x’ factor, and not the noise, that caused the T.

This is not to say that we should be reckless in regard to our hearing. Like in other areas of health, moderation is probably the best guide.  But it is to acknowledge that many of us possess something less than certainty when we speculate about the cause of our T. And if we do not have that certainty about cause, what sense does it make to blame ourselves for causing the condition?

Let’s however for the moment put aside this very reasonable skepticism about the cause of our tinnitus and suppose for the sake of argument that the event we think caused the T—the shot, the concert, the career choice—actually did cause the T. What then? Does this rationally justify our self-blame and guilt? Again, in order to be justified, guilt requires a rational foundation. Is there any in the case of the individual who believes, for example, that listening to loud music over the course of years having a job that exposed them to loud noises caused their tinnitus. I would argue that: If you could not have reasonably foreseen an event would result from your actions, it makes no sense to feel guilt or self-blame.

Consider the following:

Let’s say you are driving down a residential street at the posted limit. Unbeknownst to you, someone has taken down the “deaf child in the area” sign, warning you to take extra caution. A deaf child bolts in front of your car and you injure her. I submit that guilt and self-blame are inappropriate emotions at this point, since you could not have been rationally expected to foresee the possibility of a deaf child running in front of your car.To be sure, if you had had the information in the form of the sign “Deaf Child Present,” this is another story, and a higher degree of caution would have been expected of you. But without that sign being thee, how could you have been expected to know extra caution was warranted? And if you could not have known, what sense does it make to feel guilt or self-blame in this situation.

By the same token, is it reasonable to expect yourself to have known that the conditions you believe caused your tinnitus could actually have done so (again, supposing this only for the sake of argument). I mean, perhaps, if your parent had been an audiologist, or you had studied the subject in school, you might have been expected to know that loud noises could bring about T. But short of this, is it reasonable to expect you to have had this information? How many people in America right now do you think possess it?

The emotionally correct response to the unforeseen is not blame or guilt or regret but sadness and grief. The latter will lead ultimately to acceptance and moving forward, while the former threatens to trap us in an unending loop of emotional pain and personal stagnation.

The choice is yours.